Yeah the feelings are really complex. And I’ve really only been exploring the idea of changing the way I identify for about 2 weeks so I’m very much still taking my time to think about my feelings more fully.

In my case I feel like I would switch to a girl body in a hearbeat because then I could be comfortable dressing masc / tomboyish and sometimes a little fem, but I have complex feelings towards everything in between afab tomboy and being amab. Since transitioning is so much more complex than waving a wand and involves going through different stages with lots of different effects that may or may not manifest, I feel like the risk of ending up somewhere where I’m even less happy is too great. Not to mention I’m so undecided about a lot of the potential effects of things like hrt.

There are other things that I’m more sure about, like if there was just a “hips and shoulders and muscles and fat distribution” hormone that didn’t do anything else I would take it in a heartbeat. And I’m planning on lasering some of my body hair, chest at least. But being just 2 weeks into an identity crisis and I feel like the most helpful thing I could do is spend more time thinking and maybe try out different bodies in VRChat to see how I feel wearing them.

And yeah I’ve been thinking maybe I’m just some form of NB, and I’ve never been more unsure what to put in pronoun fields lol.

Thanks for sharing though it’s nice to know other people experiencing difficult feelings like this.