Finally someone else gets it, I basically have the same sort of relationship with femininity and gender

I’m non-binary gender fluid (and it sounds like you might be too) and honestly it can be really tough sometimes just having an overwhelmingly looming but mild and ignorable sense that something about you is off, but not really knowing what

And I’ve tried wearing girl clothes and going by she/her, but honestly it’s so hit or miss, sometimes my dresses make me dysphoric and I hate it, I hate having no clue what I am sometimes

And I’m very much of the same opinion that I wish I could just fully turn into a girl temporarily just to see if I like it, just to try it, but I know I can’t, and I really really cannot bring myself to do anything more permanent than wear a skirt or makeup, not even shave my legs. as much as I want to be a girl, I don’t want to not still also be a boy, sometimes I’m happiest when I’m neither, and sometimes I love being both

Gender is very weird, I’m just glad I’m gonna finally stop hiding myself soon

I don’t really have any advice that I could think of, but hopefully seeing someone else with the same feelings helps u not feel alone